Friday, August 21, 2009

Nocturnal Creature

I just got done performing on I started around 3:00 am. I knew I would catch the Europeans. And a few Americans, but they are usually fast asleep, or they wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking of me. LOL. Really. So, they just get online to see if I am on, because anyone that really knows me, knows that I am a very nocturnal being. Well, I didn't get to the gym today until close to 11:00 pm! I went to bed this morning at around 9:30 am, and awoke at 5:00 pm, getting my much needed beauty and muscle rest. It takes plenty of rest to grow and retain the vitality and vigor, you know.

Generally, when I travel, I am on a more normal human schedule though, because I opt to skip the webcam. But, what a great way to reach out and socialize with all my fans and friends. I remember when I used to work full time, I would do my last session of cardio, then get online to make few bucks. Sometimes it would be so good that I would have to stay on, then I would have to go to work the next day. Sometimes I just had to call in or go in late. Those were the days when I worked full time, did bodybuilding shows, trained a couple times a day, traveled on the weekends, and was trying to develop my website. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions, and I was only getting a few hours sleep each night. What's worse, was the fact that I used to use my leave for bodybuilding shows, (another "job/hobby") and then I would run out of leave for myself for friends and family stuff. It was terrible. So, I tried to take leave without pay, but I was always pushing the envelope! Those were crazy times and I was always so damned exhausted. The condition you see me here was at the Nationals, 2005, my last national show, and then the following year was my "Swansong" and the Masters 2006 was when I decided I no longer felt the need or had the desire to compete in bodybuilding.

I saw the inconsistency in judging standards and what a woman must do to get to the ultra dry shredded look, which by the way, looks terrible on most people. Very few women can really pull it off and still look sexy. A few days before the show or after, fine, but not he day of the show. No matter how much makeup a girl uses, she can't hide the harshness of the face. So unnatural and not pretty.

So, every now and then, I take a look at these photos, and remember what state of mind I was in when I got ready for these shows. I literally had no time to spare, and had to stay on schedule every minute of the day due to all of my obligations.

I also always wanted to travel to Europe, and only dreamt of it. So, in September of 2006, nearly three years to date in another month, I resigned my federal position. It was so difficult moonlighting like Wonderwoman and then sitting at a desk for nine hours a day. In the summer of 2007, I met Saskia, and if you have been reading the old posts on this blog, you know I lived over there for a short time, and it was very rewarding.

The most rewarding thing about it was that at first, I knew it was going to be a big leap, and take courage to leave the stability of federal position with benefits. But, being the risk taker, and wanted to live life to the fullest, I left unceremoniously, giving management about three weeks notice.

After leaving, I felt all those proverbial sayings, like a mountain was lifted off my shoulders, unshackled, free at last, liberated, empowered. And I never looked back. A lot of organizations are so unhealthy, and they can totally wear you down, wear you out, and rob you of your spirit.
And, that is exactly what was happening to me. I knew I had a lot of life left in me than to continue plodding along where I was, and I celebrate every day knowing that I am always in control of the direction I move in my life.

And, the bar is always set so much higher than when you work for yourself, and sure, I have tripped a lot over the past few years, but that's okay. I have learned a lot. And, I have lived a lot.

Life is beautiful. I always try to see the beauty in everything, the good in everyone. I embrace each day, knowing the gift of life to live on this planet. I try to live mindfully and carefully, being in the moment of what I am doing. I look back at how I used to live, racing around here and there, and everywhere, not taking time to live mindfully. It's all too easy to get caught up in the "rat race", and lose sight of things in life that matter.

Enjoy life, my friends, enjoy life.

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